Mike: Since I have to work today, why don't you drive me into the city? It's Saturday and I'm not in a rush to get in. So we can take it nice and easy. You up for driving?
Mir: No.
Mike: C'mon, you want to be trapped in the house all day? You have to learn to drive at some point.
Mir: I want to take lessons first.
Mike: Really? You know that you'll have to drive around with a giant "L" on your car. People here think that that stands for "learner," but you and I both know what it really means.
Mir: Okay....
Mike: BOYS, GET IN THE CAAAAAAR!
Mir: Alright, everyone buckled up?
Merrit: Hey, I found my lollipop from yesterday!
Ollie: [starts crying] Lolly! Lolly! I wannalolly!
Mike: Merrit, you are not going to eat that in front of Ollie. Hand it up here.
Ollie: LOLLY! I WANNALOLLY!
Mike: [unwrapping lollipop] Merrit, I'm going to give Ollie your lollipop. Everything is going to be fine.
Merrit: Aw, man...
Mike: I just need Ollie to be quiet. Here, you can play your PSP...Okay, Mir, put in it reverse. Back up slowly...SLOWLY I SAID.....Okay, that's good.
Mir: [silence]
Mike: Now just pull out and make sure you stay on the LEFT side of the road....Okay, that's good. Stay on the left.
Mir: I can't do this. Hey, let's just get out now. You go on into work and we'll do this another day.
Mike: You CAN do this. You ARE doing this. You'll be just fine.
Mir: [silence]
Mike: I SAID STAY ON THE LEFT!
Mir: I feel nauseous.
Mike: Okay, here comes the first roundabout. Things here are a little loosey goosey. So don't feel like you have to stay in the lane you are in. Just don't hit another car and you'll be okay. Stay in the inside lane and take the second exit.
Mir: Okaaaaay....
Mike: Merge, merge, MERGE now!
Mir: I'm starting to get a headache. I can't do this.
Mike: See that was easy. You made it through your first roundabout. Hey, look at you. You're driving in England.
Mir: [focused silence]
Mike: After this next roundabout, you'll be on the dual carriageway to Newcastle. The lane that you end up in will be the lane that you stay in for a while. So you can just relax and enjoy driving.
Mir: I think I'm going to throw up. Crack a window. I need some fresh air.
Merrit: Mommy, I just passed the second level and the end boss was a huge green giant and I totally cut his head off.
Mir: HUSH! I'm really concentrating right now and I can't... listen... to.... what.... you're....
Mike: You're doing fine....You're drifting to the left. Watch the curb. You have traffic on your left.....You're doing fine. Now we're coming into the city.
Mir: I don't like this. I want lessons.
Mike: Now merge into this lane...[pointing]...this roundabout is the biggest in Newcastle...just stay in the center lane...once we come out, you're going to take an immediate left.
Mir: [silence]
Mike: Take the left now, the left lane. LEFT.
Mir: I missed it!! Sorry. I'm sorry! Now what?
Mike: I don't know. I haven't been down this street before. We'll be alright. Just take the next left.
Mir: Is that MY RED LIGHT?!
Mike: No! You're stopped in the MIDDLE of the intersection. You need to move! ...GO!...
Mir: Did you see how those two ladies looked at me?
Mike: Who cares? The British have a lot of grace....hey! watch the lampost....the British have a lot of grace, but lamposts, not so much.
Mir: Oh my God, am I in the wrong lane??? I AM IN THE WRONG LANE!
Mike: No, no, this is a one-way street. You're doing fine...[sweating]
Mir: We're lost aren't we?
Mike: No, we're just looking for a place to park.
Mir: [silence]
Mike: Park there.
Mir: I'm going to throw up now.
Mike: You did it. Now just turn off the car. We'll eat here in the city and then you can drive me on to the office.
Mir: I'm not driving anywhere.
Mike: What? You've got this...
Mir: No, I don't. That was horrible. I'm not driving anymore today.
Mike: But I thought you were taking the kids to the farm after you dropped me off?
Mir: Change of plans. We'll walk to
the castle keep and just take the Metro home. You can keep the car.
Mike: Cool. I need a cigarette.
Mir: Me, too. Can I have one?
[I must acknowledge my co-writer, Mike, for his contributions to this post! Thanks honey!]